The cocoon.
“We are caterpillars shedding our encasements (old ways of doing things, people, and work that doesn't serve us anymore) to spread our wings and find new life.” ~ Heart Stories
I was processing the pain of a friend recently going through a stomach-churning divorce after a marriage of 30 years. I can relate. Myriad emotions lodge in our bodies during this time of reflection and anguish; one of the most uncomfortable and lingering is embarrassment and moving from living in the sunlight to scuffling around in the shadows.
First, there's the dark stain of shame of becoming part of the growing statistic of marriages that end in divorce. For me, the question was: How can we not keep a marriage of 29 years intact? Who in their right mind would throw away a foundation of love and commitment, an entire adult life built on this partnership? Children conceived and born. Intimate details of our innermost secrets and vulnerabilities have been shared, at least in the earlier years. This partnership holds almost the entirety of my adult experience in this lifetime. Indeed, there must be a way and a desire to breathe life back into that which appears dead.
And then there is the unsettling understanding: My sacred marriage is no longer sacred, and there is no resurrection. Perhaps you were the one who realized the love no longer had any substance and left. Or perhaps you were the one left by the side of the now decrepit marriage road, bewildered. Whatever the case, we find ourselves face-to-face with embarrassment and shame. What do we say to those who inquire? The man at the assisted living place where I visited my Mom asked: Where is your husband today? My heart plummets, and I inwardly and outwardly blanch.
Finally, we learn through trial and error not to say anything; we live for a while in silent isolation. Suddenly, the family dog becomes our champion and lifeline rather than the champion of our union. Each week a piece of mail is delivered addressed to the duo when there is only one; another silent pinch of loneliness. Our friends on social media are asking where our husband or wife has gone. The neighbors innocently inquire about the health and well-being of our spouse.
The shame is real and adorns us like an albatross around our neck; it caused me to retreat until I was able to transform my shame into new life and light. Took time. I am here to share that you will eventually reach the place where you realize your true friends know who you are and will always be with you. Anyone else is not someone meant to be in your life at this moment. At least, that's what I've found.
We are caterpillars shedding our encasements (old ways of doing things, people, and work that don't serve us anymore) to spread our wings and find new life. We must first twist, turn in that tight, uncomfortable little case, and moan now and then in the clutches of the cocoon before we realize the cocoon is what's killing us. And then we make our escape. #divorcejourney #selflove #divorce #light #newbeginnings #nurtureyourself #growth #newlife #trauma #friendship #heart #spirit #transformation #beautifulyou